A banker by day and website scribbler by night
I'm slugging back yet another latte, stifling a yawn, and boarding an elevator to my day job when I hear myself mumble “I'm so tired”. Less of an announcement to the empty elevator and more of a mantra, I shuffle my feet and start thinking of the day's to-do list.
And somewhere on some other elevator I bet you're doing the same.
A banker by day and website scribbler by night, I liken myself to an internet Batman. Did Bruce Wayne ever get stressed about deadlines, meetings and networking? Did he ever wake up with a start as he was drifting off to sleep to ask himself if he was working hard enough or that he needed to learn html and maybe even mandarin?
You do it too, don't you? Your eyes glaze over at yoga practice, wondering if you remembered to call back that important client. While brushing your teeth, you find yourself wondering if you're getting too much gluten in your diet (even if you secretly swear that gluten seems to be what makes food delicious). Before tucking into bed at night you need to fight the violent urge to update your Linked In profile with all your latest credentials.
Perhaps we'd be less sleepy if we had our own butlers- Mr. Wayne never seemed stressed when Alfred was around.
This seems to be the silent thought amongst all of us who hold ambitions close to our hearts. I want to be a journalist so much it makes me nervous and jittery and so excited that I tend to make wild hyperboles about how much it means to me. And while there is a great joy and passion that grows from such a feeling there's also a silent pressure that I sometimes feel behind my eyelids. A pressure to prove myself, advance in my field, and quit that bank job for good.
For you it may be finally quitting your desk job and travelling the world, writing that novel you've been meaning to get to, or even scrapping your whole life and living off the land in the great wild plains of the Yukon. As much as these ambitions light a fire inside you they also silently, stealthily, sap your energy away as you sleep less and less.
There's a saying that dedication is the difference between choosing what you want now and what you want most. If ambition is meant to grow into anything at all it needs the dedication to match. But what happens when dedication feels almost like a tap that you can't turn off, even when the house is flooding?
A dear friend of mine summed it up recently: “We have too many 'should dos' when we should be thinking of them as 'would like to dos'.It removes the pressure but still shows where our focus should be.” she told me, smiling. As a budding novelist and accomplished poet, she knows a thing or two about burning the candle at both ends.
We need to stop these carousels of thoughts and pressures we place on ourselves. Never let your ambition die, but don't kill yourself pursuing it. Separate what needs to be done from what you wish you could get done. Make lists, but don't expect them to be 100% checked off by day's end. Never stop striving, but remember that getting there takes time. What should you do? What would you like to do? How many “like to” items can wait? Relax. You'll get to them eventually.
In the meantime, where do I apply to get a butler like Alfred?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi! I'm Morgan Mullin, a coffee-loving vegetarian from Trout Brook, Canada. Raised in the country but always a city girl at heart, I love travel, adventure and all things fashion. When I'm not traipsing around town highly caffeinated in unpractical footwear, I'm working on my blog, Hedonist In Heels. It's a place where I discuss how fashion and culture and daily life mix (along with lighter topics like city guides and boozy recipes). My favourite season is fall and my favourite author is Jack Kerouac. I love black and white movies, romance, and carbs of all kinds (but especially the ones that come from pasta!).
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